Girls. Are. Crazy.

I'm a girl. And girls, you're making me look bad.

I have a handful of girl friends. I love them to death and I cherish every little thing about them. I think they are beautiful on the inside and out. There's a few, and that's it.

I have a lot of good guy friends. This is a great thing. It gives me some wonderful insight on how we, as girls, are being looked at from the outside - from men. And honestly? When I remove myself from the situation and look at girls as a whole, I may as well be looking at a creature from another planet.

Take away the shoe obsessions, the vanity tables, the curling irons, the gossip magazines and just take the girl, plain and simple. She's still crazy. Girls are obsessive and clingy and awkward and impulsive and just plain obnoxious. Girls are so incredibly obvious in their desires. It's like they are made of glass. Transparent. Really, what do they see in us??

Girls, calm down. It sucks when a guy overlooks you. It sucks when they worship you one day and step on you the next. We know. We've all been there. But guess what. Throwing a tantrum of text messages is not going to make them want you again. 50 text messages with no meaningful content are just going to annoy him. Men are simple. (Too simple.) If you are mad at them, say so, and not in a text message. If he doesn't want you to be mad at him, he'll fix it. If he doesn't care, he won't. If he doesn't fix it, take a hint, move on.

Side note: Text messages are an art. They require thought, skill, and technique and they are not to be used lightly. Think of a text message as a kiss. If you kiss someone once, really nicely, its meaningful and memorable. If you kiss someone 50 times in three minutes, it's annoying, sloppy, repetitive, and it diminishes all meaning in the act. A text message is the same. If you text someone nicely and you get no response, give up. DO NOT DOUBLE TEXT. If you got denied a kiss, would you in turn kiss them repetitively, hoping they'd change their mind? Doubt it.

I could write a whole book on how to move on. How to not be crazy. How to keep your mouth shut and your fingers off the keys. Learn to keep yourself slightly detached. Don't invest everything you have into the guy who asked for your number at the bar. I'm not saying I'm a pro at this, and I'm not saying I'm not crazy. All girls are crazy, but I work at hiding it. You should too. You are scaring them. My best friend (guy) wants to stay single until his 30s. Look what you did to him!

I can't tell you how many times I see my guy friends get texts from girls where he just rolls his eyes and puts his phone away. Or starts a rant about the last insanely psychotic thing she did or said to him, questioning me as to why she did that. "What is she thinking?" or "I think she thinks we're dating." Guess what, Girls. If you "think" you're dating, you aren't. If you think you're the only one he's "dating," you aren't. If you've established the fact that you're dating and you're the only one he's dating, you might be. Good luck.

So girls, please, stop. Think about what you're doing. Think about me, at dinner with my guy friend who takes his phone out and rolls his eyes, or asks me what he should say to get you to stop texting him, or asks me why you stopped talking to him just because there was a picture of him and another girl on facebook. Do you want to be that girl? The one he rolls his eyes at as I dictate a semi-charming message for him to type that holds you over until he feels like dealing with you? Probably not. I promise you, you're making us look bad.