Conversation is Sexy

What I see as one of the greatest ironies of the modern woman's life, is that many of us idolize Sex & the City character, Carrie Bradshaw, yet, Sarah Jessica Parker was once named Maxim's "Unsexiest Woman Alive."
Ironic isn't it?  The woman we all want to be is actually a woman who many men consider horrendously ugly.  Why is that?

Carrie Bradshaw gets what she wants because she knows how to talk.  Life ultimately isn't about how you look, it's about who you know.  That's what gets you places.
I learned a lot in college.  I learned academics, social etiquette, how to handle my liquor (kind of), how to procrastinate and recover from procrastination, but the greatest lesson I've learned is what I learned outside of college.  By going out and talking to people, I've learned how to get what I want.

If you ask many people my age what they'd prefer to do on a Friday night, they'd most likely answer something to the extent of going out dancing, clubbing, etc.  There's nothing wrong with that.  However, I find that in a loud, dancing situation, the only new people you're going to meet are the ones who bump into you and spill your drinks or the sleazy guys who don't respect your personal bubble.  The situations I find the most satisfying are ones in which I can socialize with the people around me.  It's amazing the people you'll meet when you put yourself out there and talk to them.

Let's go back to our Sex & the City analogy.  Everyone loves Carrie.  Yes, she's stylish.  Yes, she gets a lot of guys.  Yes, she has GREAT shoes.  But I don't think that's why we idolize her.  We idolize her because she knows how to get all of that.  She does that by talking.  Sarah Jessica Parker's character talks to everyone around her.  She's friendly without being obnoxious and she ultimately gets what she wants through talking.

Now take Miranda.  If you like her character, congratulations, you're the first person I've met who does.  Miranda is awkward, bitchy, and let's face it, annoying.  Think about it - ultimately, the reason we don't like Miranda is because she doesn't get what she wants (aka, she doesn't get what WE want).  Why not? Guess what. She's the bitch of the group.  She shoots daggers with her eyes to those around her.  If you think I'm just making things up to prove my point, go watch an episode.  She's the most unfriendly of the group and therefore, the most miserable.

Now, I'm not saying everyone go out there and be obnoxiously friendly to everyone around you.  That's just annoying and nobody likes that girl either.  But pay attention to your surroundings.  People like to talk about themselves - get them talking and you'll realize they probably have something to offer you.  I can't stress the amount of people I've met at bars, restaurants, on the T, in line for the bathroom, etc who end up being someone of value.  Last week I suggested an item on the menu to a man sitting alone at a bar.  He turned out to be James Montgomery, a well-known older musician of the "James Montgomery Band" who once headlined a show that Aerosmith opened for.  The day after I met James, he had a lunch date with Mick Jagger.  Mental note - this is someone you want to know.

The other important thing to note is that after you meet people, keep in touch.  Nobody wants to be used.  You don't want to meet someone and then four months later be contacted by them because they want something from you.  Get their email; follow up the next day and let them know you're glad you met.  People appreciate new contacts as much as you appreciate them. 

In the end, it's not about how you look.  Ask Sarah Jessica Parker, "unsexiest woman alive."  Get people talking and I guarantee, even if you find someone has nothing to offer you, they'll still have something interesting to say.  People can be captivating if you give them the chance.

“They say life's what happens when you're busy making other plans. But sometimes in New York [or Boston or LA or Chicago or Austin or Atlanta...], life is what happens when you're waiting for a table.”

-Carrie Bradshaw

Perfectly Lonely

"When are you gonna get a new boyfriend?"

Those words come more often than not from none other than my own dad. This may seem odd; traditionally, dads are the ones standing by the window with a shotgun scaring off every man who tries to court his daughter. Not mine.  Now, I know that my dad isn't really concerned about me having a new boyfriend. It's kind of like when he tells me my butt is getting big - he's just teasing me (I hope).

Here's the thing. I'm getting to the age where people are starting to settle down. It's the beginning of that time where you justify buying expensive dresses with the fact that you're sure there's a wedding in the near future you'll be able to wear it to. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ready to get married and I'm pretty sure my dad isn't trying to marry me off quite yet either. It's just that time of life where you think about things like that more often.

So people start to worry that I'm still single at 23. Which is odd, because I'm not really that worried myself. They say, "there's NOBODY you're interested in right now?" Not really. My parents are both in the psychology field. I believe I've inherently been taught to look at people not just as who they are, but how they've been affected. What has happened to this person to make them like they are? What incidents in their lives give me a clue as to how I'll be treated; how I'll end up in the situation. I am going to dissect a person to the fullest, to find out everything I need to know about them in order to put my trust in their hands. Maybe it's selfish, but I know it's necessary.

The thing is, I am lucky enough to have my parents as an example of how to treat a relationship. My parents still hold hands, go on dates, etc. They are the ideal couple. They are the prime example of how to do it. They are what I want to have. So it's their fault I'm single - and that's not a bad thing. I'm picky. My parents unknowingly set my standards to high levels and I'm not going to budge. I don't want just anyone. My parents taught me better than that.

So, Dad, I don't know when I'm going to get a new boyfriend. (And I hope you're still joking about my butt getting big.) But just like you drilled into my head that I should never end a sentence with a preposition, that I should always have cash on me at all times, and to put my milk in the mug before the coffee so you don't need a spoon to mix it, you've also showed me how to do it - how to pick the right person and make it work. They say you marry someone like your dad and when I do, I know I'll be in good hands.

Girls. Are. Crazy.

I'm a girl. And girls, you're making me look bad.

I have a handful of girl friends. I love them to death and I cherish every little thing about them. I think they are beautiful on the inside and out. There's a few, and that's it.

I have a lot of good guy friends. This is a great thing. It gives me some wonderful insight on how we, as girls, are being looked at from the outside - from men. And honestly? When I remove myself from the situation and look at girls as a whole, I may as well be looking at a creature from another planet.

Take away the shoe obsessions, the vanity tables, the curling irons, the gossip magazines and just take the girl, plain and simple. She's still crazy. Girls are obsessive and clingy and awkward and impulsive and just plain obnoxious. Girls are so incredibly obvious in their desires. It's like they are made of glass. Transparent. Really, what do they see in us??

Girls, calm down. It sucks when a guy overlooks you. It sucks when they worship you one day and step on you the next. We know. We've all been there. But guess what. Throwing a tantrum of text messages is not going to make them want you again. 50 text messages with no meaningful content are just going to annoy him. Men are simple. (Too simple.) If you are mad at them, say so, and not in a text message. If he doesn't want you to be mad at him, he'll fix it. If he doesn't care, he won't. If he doesn't fix it, take a hint, move on.

Side note: Text messages are an art. They require thought, skill, and technique and they are not to be used lightly. Think of a text message as a kiss. If you kiss someone once, really nicely, its meaningful and memorable. If you kiss someone 50 times in three minutes, it's annoying, sloppy, repetitive, and it diminishes all meaning in the act. A text message is the same. If you text someone nicely and you get no response, give up. DO NOT DOUBLE TEXT. If you got denied a kiss, would you in turn kiss them repetitively, hoping they'd change their mind? Doubt it.

I could write a whole book on how to move on. How to not be crazy. How to keep your mouth shut and your fingers off the keys. Learn to keep yourself slightly detached. Don't invest everything you have into the guy who asked for your number at the bar. I'm not saying I'm a pro at this, and I'm not saying I'm not crazy. All girls are crazy, but I work at hiding it. You should too. You are scaring them. My best friend (guy) wants to stay single until his 30s. Look what you did to him!

I can't tell you how many times I see my guy friends get texts from girls where he just rolls his eyes and puts his phone away. Or starts a rant about the last insanely psychotic thing she did or said to him, questioning me as to why she did that. "What is she thinking?" or "I think she thinks we're dating." Guess what, Girls. If you "think" you're dating, you aren't. If you think you're the only one he's "dating," you aren't. If you've established the fact that you're dating and you're the only one he's dating, you might be. Good luck.

So girls, please, stop. Think about what you're doing. Think about me, at dinner with my guy friend who takes his phone out and rolls his eyes, or asks me what he should say to get you to stop texting him, or asks me why you stopped talking to him just because there was a picture of him and another girl on facebook. Do you want to be that girl? The one he rolls his eyes at as I dictate a semi-charming message for him to type that holds you over until he feels like dealing with you? Probably not. I promise you, you're making us look bad.