Is it just me?

I wish reality was a tangible object so I could take it and hit people over the head with it.

Until recently I've never taken a  moment to realize how many people around me who directly impact my life are NOT normal.  I'm not talking not normal like, "Oh my God she doesn't like ice cream?? She is so weird!" or "What is she THINKING wearing her hair like that?" or anything to that effect.  I'm talking REALLY not normal.  People who do things that just make me want to scream, "WHAT?!" in their face and then throw a chair.  I'm not kidding.  It baffles me how little people understanding the normal workings of every day life.  It has taken me a week to get this far into this blog post because I cannot even find the right words to describe the way in which people are so incredibly un-normal.

My friend and I were talking about this yesterday.  We listed about 20 people we know and categorized them as normal and not normal (don't judge my copious amount of time - sometimes I get incredibly bored at work).  Out of those 20 or so people, we named five who were normal.  We were two of them.  Congrats to the other three.

If you have to question if you're normal or not, then you aren't. 
For those of you still having trouble determining the verdict:
If you think it's okay to spontaneously throw out the perfectly good kitchen table and not buy a new one, you're not normal. 
If you think that eating a large homemade meal on Wednesday night and then claiming you've had food poisoning since Tuesday morning is okay, you're not normal. 
If you think it's okay to make up an elaborate story with details including new asthma symptoms, a fainting spell, a sliced open forehead, an ambulance ride, and a concussion just so that I will drive you to your boyfriend's house, you're not normal.

In general, with minimal exceptions, if you are a compulsive liar, if you crave attention, if you have an undying need to please people, if you are overly attentive and emotional towards every day occurrences, if it takes you longer than an appropriate amount of time to recover from a mild situation, if you are afraid to commit to anything as little as using the word "we" instead of "I" in a sentence, or if your apathy towards every major incident in life not only affects you but begins to affect the people surrounding you, then...guess what. You are not normal.

Although there are no concrete guidelines to determining whether someone is or isn't normal, it's pretty easy to realize whether someone is living between the lines of normalcy or alarmingly outside of them.  There are very few people who teeter on the edge of normal - typically I find people are either one extreme or the other. 

I understand that many of you may have made it this far into this post and are now questioning their level of normal. I'm sorry if I've made you question your every day existence but it had to be done.  It's time to take a good look at the way you handle situations from an every day occurrence to an unexpected curve ball.  Next time you make up an elaborate lie, or cause a major freak-out over nothing, or decide to ignore something that is majorly important to you or the people around you, do all of us normal people a favor - stop and be rational. Think: What Would Normal People Do?  The few of us that there are out there will appreciate your efforts.